How to Overcome Self-Doubt in Midlife
Every human struggles with self-doubt in the face of setbacks, weaknesses and perceived failures.
It looks different for each of us, but a few examples include:
- You’re trying to lose weight, but can’t seem to find the motivation to reach the next level.
- You've experience a job loss, demotion, or missed promotion.
- You invest time and money into a passion project or business that doesn’t take off as expected.
- You’re walking through a divorce or relationship breakup that has you questioning your ability to love and be loved.
- You experience a struggle with purpose and identity after your kids leave home.
- You have increased anxiety, sadness or depression.
- You consistently feel you’re “behind” when you see others succeeding or reinventing themselves.
- You wrestle with self-judgment over mistakes, shortcomings or perceived failures.
These are just a few examples, but all of them can lead us into self-doubt.
There are four ways we can deal with self doubt, but only one of these ways leads to growth, healing, and positive change.
1. Distraction
Distraction happens when we’re aware of our self-doubt, but we choose to do anything else instead of face it and feel those unwanted emotions. We don’t like how we feel, so we try to numb our emotions.
Every human struggles with self-doubt in the face of setbacks, weaknesses and perceived failures.
It looks different for each of us, but a few examples include:
- You’re trying to lose weight, but can’t seem to find the motivation to reach the next level.
- You've experience a job loss, demotion, or missed promotion.
- You invest time and money into a passion project or business that doesn’t take off as expected.
- You’re walking through a divorce or relationship breakup that has you questioning your ability to love and be loved.
- You experience a struggle with purpose and identity after your kids leave home.
- You have increased anxiety, sadness or depression.
- You consistently feel you’re “behind” when you see others succeeding or reinventing themselves.
- You wrestle with self-judgment over mistakes, shortcomings or perceived failures.
These are just a few examples, but all of them can lead us into self-doubt.
There are four ways we can deal with self doubt, but only one of these ways leads to growth, healing, and positive change.
1. Distraction
Distraction happens when we’re aware of our self-doubt, but we choose to do anything else instead of face it and feel those unwanted emotions. We don’t like how we feel, so we try to numb our emotions.
There are a myriad of ways to distract ourselves in today’s world: technology, social media scrolling, binge-watching, workaholism, obsessing over politics, shopping, overeating, and alcohol or other substances. They all work as sources of distraction, but they are short-term fixes as opposed to a long-term solution. They only magnify our feelings of doubt, inadequacy and shame.
2. Denial
Denial is about tricking ourselves into believing that we don’t have weaknesses and we don’t experience self-doubt. We ignore it and hope that it will go away. It's an attempt to convince ourselves, and others, that we have it all together.
The problem is that when we deny our weaknesses and self-doubt, we deny our humanity. And we ultimately deny reality. Every human being struggles with weakness and self-doubt.
3. Despair
This is the final destination for us if we choose the first or second options. When we distract ourselves, or live in denial for so long, self-doubt eventually overwhelms us. The feelings we are running from end up suffocating us. We may even get so overwhelmed, we lose hope in the possibility that things can get better.
The first three ways lead us further into self-doubt. The fourth way is the only way to overcome self-doubt and move into the midlife of your dreams. Your weakness and self-doubt are not the enemy. They are part of being human. In fact, they can be tools for healing and change when we address them in a healthy way. This leads us to the fourth way of addressing our weaknesses and self-doubt.
4. Deal
We deal with our weaknesses and self-doubt when we make a conscious choice not to distract ourselves, or live in denial, and instead directly address the unpleasant emotions. This takes honesty and vulnerability. We must lean into our unpleasant emotions and acknowledge that they exist. Then we must ask questions to further explore and learn from them.
Instead of running from feelings, get curious. Ask yourself questions like:
- What is this emotion trying to teach me?
- Where is it coming from?
- What can I learn from it?
- What story am I telling myself about this? (Is it true?)
- If a close friend felt this way, what would I tell them?
- What would happen if I stopped judging this weakness and instead saw it as an opportunity to grow?
Seek out tools like journaling, therapy, or talking with a trusted friend to process your thoughts. Growth happens when we face our weakness and self-doubt with honesty, self-compassion, and a willingness to learn.
At the end of the day, we all have weaknesses and we all struggle with self-doubt. The question isn’t whether they’ll show up—it’s how we’ll respond when they do.
We can distract, deny, or sink into despair. Or we can choose to deal with them head-on.
Growth happens when we stop running and start learning.
This is where real transformation begins.
